You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
