my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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