well I can't set my house on fire every night
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
