She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
