Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
