I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
