sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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