I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
