that's an acceptable place to lick
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
