...so i touched it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
