Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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