Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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