i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
