Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
whose parrot is this?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
