my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
