I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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