Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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