well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
