My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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