fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize