Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
