I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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