If i come over, it means nothing
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
