you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
