he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
