What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
