the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
