Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Mom said you looked used
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
