she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
