Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
