Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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