Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
