my sisters under your porch take her home
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize