if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
