So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My legs feel like baby dolphins
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I came so hard my ears popped.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
