I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
