dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
