he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
