We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
