Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
