You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
