How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
