Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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