He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
