better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
