guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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