So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
