So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
