you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
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Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
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When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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