didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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