I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't turn off my feet"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
