I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
