It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
