She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.