She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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