I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.