Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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