i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just want nice things and good sex
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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