I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
