Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
