Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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