I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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