in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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