apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
