I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
