if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
