I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
