How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
