He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize