i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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