before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A bitchslap is in order.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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